On December 19th, 2012, at 1AM, I got a call from my mom who was and still is serving a mission in Uruguay. I found it strange that she was calling so late. But with the time difference I figured she was just calling to say good morning since she gets up so early every day and happened to forgot about the four hour difference.
No such luck. When I heard the quiet somber tone in my moms voice as she began to speak, I knew something was wrong. My first thought was that something had happened there in Uruguay. that was not the case. She told me that she had just got off the phone with my brother. Jesse had told her that a couple hours prior to him calling, Melanie had gone into labor and so they took her to their midwife. He said that both babies had been born via an emergency delivery but one of the babies did not make it. That one precious little boy, died within two minutes of life on this earth.
My heart was shattered into so many pieces when my mom told me. I was so sick inside for my brother.. I couldn't even imagine the loss of a child, as I am a mom myself. I remember feeling so sick inside that I kept vomiting all night. I cried and cried in the arms of David for great love and sorrow for my brother...that he had to go through that ....and alone. None of his immediate family was there. My parents we on a mission. I was here in AZ and my sister had been way up north n Logan, Utah.
I also cried for the simple fact that my innocent little nephew would not get to stay with my family so that we could watch him grow here on earth. I was so sad for his twin brother who had shared their
mothers womb and would no longer be joining him in the home of a loving family who were so
thrilled to have him.
I cried for my other little nephew who had complications at birth from being premature and had to be rushed away in an ambulance to the St. George hospital during a blizzard to get to the nicu on his own ,while his mom and dad had been sent to the local hospital to assist Melanie who also had complications.
I jumped on a plane the next day to go be with my brother and his wife and to see my nephew in the nicu. When I got there, there were no words to say. I just remember hugging my brother so tight and letting him do the same to me. When I looked at my nephew who was the size of a large squash, I melted with gratitude that he still had a fighting chance. It was hard to look at him without being emotional. However, I miraculously kept my emotions hidden. I was torn up inside but I needed to be a pillar of strength for my brother since he did not have his parents there..or even his wife(still
checked in at other hospital).
I looked at this precious little being and was in love. He was tinier that I had imagined and he was so cute despite his tiny body and his ribs showing so much. I was so grateful to see him. Ill never forget his fragile body as his cheat went in and out for breath. I was praying so hard for him to make it. He needed to survive. His parents needed him more than ever. We all did.
***
Back in Uruguay, the area authority of my parents mission found out about what happened and strongly encouraged them to take two weeks to go support their son during that hard time. My parents were so grateful and booked their flights as soon as they could get to a computer. They let us know that they would be landing in Vegas that Saturday several hours before the Memorial.
Two Elders dropped my parents off at the airport. As they were going through security, they were told that they were missing a very important document that would allow them to leave the country. My parents were unaware of such document so they had not tried to get them. They were told that they could not leave without it. It was a form that would take at least a few months and so they would have needed it in advance. The lady at the desk was being quite rude and said there was no way that she would let them board the plane. So, the plane left without them on Friday. My mother was feeling frantic inside. She knew that if she did not make it to Utah soon before the funeral then she would not get to see her sweet Alvin in this life.
My parents were walking through the airport to head back home when my mom slipped and fell down a very tall tiled staircase. She got banged up very badly. Many men saw her tumble and quickly went to assist her in getting up and making sure she didn't need to go to the hospital (not much of a hospital there anyway). My mother had tears in her eyes and apologized for the scene. She explained to them what happened in Utah and that she was forced to miss her flight so her eyes were blurry so that was probably why she fell. The shoes she had been wearing weren't good for such slick tile either.
The men helped her to her feet and took her back to the airport security desk. They demanded that the lady give them the documents they needed. They also demanded that she book them the very next flight out to Miami! She was very reluctant about doing it but she did. She handed them the form to fill out and gave them their new itinerary for the same time the next day.
My parents knew that the Lord showed mercy to them. They would not have been able to make the trip to Utah to support their son had it not been for his hand in helping them receive those documents. That was one of the greatest blessings we have ever received.
***
David brought the kids to Utah that weekend. We saw Samuel together and did what ever we could to help Jesse and Melanie out. We went to Las Vegas to pick up my parents for the airport Sunday morning. I can't describe how good it felt to hug my parents. I had been the pillar of strength for the past several days so it felt so good to know that that burden was relieved from me and carefully placed into my parents hands. It also felt so good because we hadn't seen them in 9 months.Although my parents missed the memorial, they were able to see Alvin at a private viewing and then say goodbye at the burial.
***
It was said that there were supposed to be more than the one midwife at the delivery. For unknown reasons, there was just the one midwife. We are not sure of all of the details but because of being under staffed, we feel that baby Alvin did not make it because after he was born, the midwife tossed him aside to help with the other baby and with Melanie. They believe that his tubes were not cleared and so he died from suffocation of the fluids.I felt so sick inside all over again when I found this out. The vomiting started up again. I have given birth to both of my kids at a hospital. I like to be right at the hospital in case of emergency...plus the epidural is a major bonus because I'm a sissy. I know that my first nephew was a water birth with their midwifes and he was born happy and healthy. That was great. My brother and his wife chose a midwife again whether for personal preference or for it being cheaper. Not really sure. Don't care. That is their choice. Their right.
However, I had immediate anger toward this unknown midwife who thought that she could take on a young mother with not one but TWO babies inside of her. I was so mad thinking that if she would have called an ambulance at the first sign of complications instead of flying solo, that my little nephew would not have had to have a funeral or burial getting planned for him. I was irate inside.
The Lord is kind to me though. I knew I couldn't hold on to that kind of anger. I am not that kind of person and I know that anger is a poison. It only hurts me. I still get a bit upset when I think of that mystery midwife not having the sense to get help. However, I believe in a God that would have saved my baby nephew had he been meant to survive whether at the care of the midwife or at a hospital. I suppose little Alvin was pure and was meant for an even better mission. And now, he's in heaven being our guarding angel.
His memorial was hard to go to. It broke my heart to hear his mom and dad speaking. They were so incredibly strong and full of such faith and hope. They amazed all of us with their testimony and faith. I am so grateful that their little family has been sealed to them. It makes it easier to know that they will see him again. I will never forget the chill i got when i saw his dad and the rest of the pallbearers set his casket in the Hurst. I remember letting everyone else return inside. I took one more look at the closed doors of the car and watched the snow drift through the air of the dark night. I knew that although his little body was there in the car all alone, his spirit was rejoined in heaven. I knew that because of that knowledge, we were all going to be okay.
***
Alvin at the Viewing:
{The only pics I have of Alvin. I have never dared ask his parents for pics of him clothed at birth when they held him for a few short moments after his passing.}
Samuel at the NICU:
{Pics on his wall at the hospital room)
All of these pics are of us with Samuel a couple weeks after his birth on our second trip back to Utah to see him and take my parents back to the airport. It took that long before he was able to get out of the incubator and be held. Although his mom did get to do skin on skin holding after the first week so that it would help him.
My first time holding him!!
Waiting room with my other nephew. Love him. So sad that he doesn't even know that he is missing a brother.
{Having a view of the Temple in Sam's hospital room was very comforting}
This is Samuel Now: June/July 213 Trip
Little Samuel was a miracle baby. He went through such trauma when he first came into this life.Today, I thank my Heavenly Father for sparing him. He is such a happy and healthy baby. No one would ever guess that he was a preemie or of the trials that he and his family faced at his birth. We absolutely love him and are so grateful to have him. He is such a sweet example to me of the mercy that Heavenly Father bestows on his children.
My living angel baby.
No comments:
Post a Comment